


Getting Some Religion

by NuWho (jaclinhyde)



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Penis Size
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaclinhyde/pseuds/NuWho
Summary: Just a very lively discussion about the Doctors God-like qualities where he is worshiped on two worlds.  For his impressive dimensions.  Yes, he is very tall.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Getting Some Religion

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/190433625@N02/50747985621/in/dateposted-public/)

The Doctor tells Rose a very bad joke.

Rose: _Oh God, you are too much!_

Doctor: _Been there, done that, and got the T-Shirt to prove it._

Rose: _What T-Shirt?_

Doctor: _A shirt that says that I was a God._

Rose: _You do NOT have a T-Shirt that says that. At least not in the Tardis wardrobe._

Doctor: _Well of course it isn’t in the wardrobe! How can it be there when I am wearing it?_

Rose: _You are not!_

The Doctor begins unbuttoning his layers of clothing to reveal a shirt which does indeed say “ _Been A God”_

Rose, hysterical laughing: _Oh my God…I mean Lord of Time you are too much! But anyway you are not and have never been a God!_

Doctor: _That is not what they say on Draxin 5…and Draxin 8 for that matter._

Rose: _Wait a minute, they actually worship you there? Do they have a church and religion in your honor?_

Doctor: _Yep!_ (popping the ‘P’, of course)

Rose: _Why do they worship you there? Have you saved their King or maybe a town or whole civilization from corrupt overlords or something?_

Doctor: _Don’t be silly, they worship me for my impressive….umm._ (He trails off)

Rose, beyond curious now: _Umm what Doctor? Impressive mind? Time Machine? EGO?_

Doctor: _Well, not exactly. They worship me for my… impressivedimensions_ (he mumbles)

Rose: _You're what? The Tardis isn’t translating that word, is that the native language of Draxin?_

Doctor: (Sigh) _No Rose…my impressive dimensions...my size._

Rose: _Well why didn’t you just say that? You are quite tall._

Doctor: (Getting tired of sighing but can’t quite stop at this point) _Yes I am Rose but…_

Rose: _Do they have statues around town dedicated to your size?_

Doctor: (Gulps) _Well, yes actually they do._

Rose: _And do they sell statues in the gift shops that they can put on their shrines at home to pray to?_

Doctor: _Well, now that you mention it._

Rose, now obviously in teasing mode: _And do they leave offerings at the base of these statues in the towns, like maybe flowers?_

Doctor mumbling again: _More like the planet's version of large watermelons or pumpkins._

Rose looks confused: _Oh my God, sorry I mean oh my Lord they don’t do sacrifices in your honor?_

Doctor: _What in ‘my name’ would they sacrifice, Rose?_

Rose: _Whew, good! Oh wait! Can we set the Tardis coordinates to go there right now? I want to see the statues. Please? And maybe buy one for over the fireplace in the library._

Doctor: _The ceiling is not high enough Rose, not to mention the mantlepiece is not that wide either._

Rose gets up to leave the kitchen.

Doctor: _Where are you going?_

Rose: _I am going to get the tape measure I have in my room to measure you and then the mantle._

Doctor, looking horrified: _NO! Just no Rose._

Suddenly the Tardis lands with a bump, sending both of them sprinting into the console room. 

What can only be called a ::snicker:: sounds in his head.

Doctor: _No, no, no! Oh no you don’t_ (he says as he presses buttons and flips switches)

The Tardis ignores him.

Rose is looking over his shoulder and see’s “DRAXIN 8” on the screen. She shrieks and goes bounding towards the door.

The Doctor has now started cursing in his native Gallifreyan, reducing the eloquent language to vulgarity. 

Rose: _Do you think it is raining or will rain Doctor? Should I bring a raincoat?_

Doctor: (Yep, he is sighing again) _Only about 3 or 4 times a day and only around the statues unless it is stroked for good luck in which case it may be more….but Roooosse…wouldn’t you rather have some chocolate from that nice little shop on Gramon? Remember? The one you really, really loved?_

But she is already out the door and when he races up behind her she is staring up (and up) at one of the statues.

Rose: _OH MY GOD…I MEAN LORD…I MEAN OH MY PHALLUS (since they do worship it there and she likes to fit in.) That is HUGE! And it isn’t even…well…_ (gulp) _erect!_

The natives who had been bowing around the statue have now noticed him and are running towards him with their own ceremonial tape measures before he grabs a still gaping Rose by the hand and yanks her back inside.

Rose, coming back to her senses: _Ok, drop’em_

Doctor: _Excuse me?_

Rose: _Trousers off. NOW!_

Rose grabs for the button and zipper of his trousers muttering ‘ _this I gotta see.’_

Doctor: _Umm Rose, really, can’t I take you on a date first then maybe kiss and do all the pre…pre…drop trousers bit after? I mean, isn’t_

_there a natural order of things to follow? Maybe I can make up a checklist like right now before we do whatever it is we are doing? Oh look_

_over there, some paper and a pen are right there so just let me make a list and..._

Rose finally has him naked from the waist down and backs up to take in the view.

Rose sputters: _Doctor…oh Doctor that is just inhuman._

Doctor: (coughs) _Not human Rose, Time Lord, and it is bigger on the inside._

Rose grabs him by the hand and heads down the hall towards her bedroom.

Doctor: _Why are you dragging me down the corridor Rose._

Rose: _It is about time I got some religion in my life. I feel the need to worship RIGHT NOW!_

The Doctor, with his trousers down around his ankles, hobbles along with a stupid grin on his face.


End file.
